Welcome to my first blog. Why am I blogging? Well, I have something to say.  I have been blessed to have so many interesting people with so many interesting stories and situations cross my path.  They may be clients in my practice of massage therapy, hypnotherapy and Reiki, students, colleagues, members of my spiritual circles and some are just folks I meet in my daily neighborhood travels.  These are my teachers and what do you do with this wealth of information but share it.  I have also spent way too much time in personal reflection (if there is such a thing)! Sure we can glean wisdom from books, movies, lectures, etc. but the real revelations come from within each of us.  We all have the answers to life’s challenges deep inside. Continue to read on. Take what you need and leave the rest. I only hope that some of it may help heal and reveal holiness in your relationships.

 

We all want approval. We all want to be loved, liked, respected and appreciated. Parents, spouses, colleagues, siblings, playmates each are looking for affirmation from another that they are okay.

 

One client of mine struggles with the disappointments he feels in some folks on the job. He is a beautiful, strong, endearing African-American man.  Accomplished and successful in his corporate setting, he is hurt that a couple of African-American women in his work realm appear to be conspiring against him. Why, he asks? He has done nothing but try to help them and others. Why can’t they be proud of him – a senior manager in an organization with few Blacks at the top? Why won’t they support him, cheer him on, elevate him versus creating drama to bring him down?  These are his “sisters”! Shouldn’t they support him?

 

Another client reveals her anxiety when her daughter is sullen, withdrawn and possibly angry with her. This mother finds it hard to levy punishment when the child does wrong and harder still to tell her no. She  wants her daughter’s approval, her love, her respect and her appreciation, and yet she knows that good parenting doesn’t always result in your children liking you.

 

And yet another client, estranged from her brother who lives only in the next town, expresses how deeply she misses him and having a relationship with his family. She has always felt judged by him because she was “different”. All she wants is for him to see her for who she is and not for want he may want her to be.

 

How do we heal these relationships? Is it possible that these women at the workplace don’t see my client but maybe an abusive father, spoiled brother, ex-husband or some other man and so they project those feelings onto him? Is that mother remembering how her own mother punished her and always said no and the feelings it brought up  so she chooses to overcompensate with her daughter. And could that sister really be judging her brother versus him judging her which keeps them estranged.

 

It has been written that relationships are the classrooms in the university called life. In my years of searching, I have learned a few things to help me resolve some of my relationships challenges.  Hear me now – some – for they still keep coming up!  These tools may resonate with you or not. However, nothing beats a failure but a try. Here goes.

 

Try to remember there is no one out there. Everything we see is a construct of our divine mind. The people and situations that I co-create with God are there to teach me what I need to know.

 

Look at your own life.  See what’s out there as a reflection of you.  Life is simply a mirror. If I recognize it in someone else it must be in me. So if I feel as though others are judging, throwing stones, haters or just not understanding, I get to examine where I show up like this in my own life. If I want my accomplishments celebrated, I get to celebrate the accomplishments of others. If I want love, I give love. If I feel lack I demonstrate abundance. If I see it, I must be it. Ultimately, clean up your own life and then see what shows up for you.

 

See others in the image and likeness of God. If it feels like war there must be an opponent.  So  see your opponent as who they truly are – made in the image and likeness of God – and that will remind you of who you truly are. I am my brother – I am my sister. We are ONE. One in God and one in Love.

 

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive others for attacking you. Forgive yourself for attacking them. Forgive yourself for attacking you for if we are one – when we attack others we attack ourselves.

 

These “thorns in our side” are our teachers. Don’t just pull them out or wish them away without praying for an understanding of why they are there. Why did you create a scenario with a colleague, a child, a brother that feels “yucky”? What can you do to change it, to make it better, to ultimately heal it.

 

Try some of these processes above. They transcend race, gender, age, politics, orientations, etc. Seek in each of your relationships hints of holiness – especially in the contentious ones! That is where the juice is. That is where the real healing occurs.

 

Yours in healing,

 

Kathy